Hey guys, so where have I been?
Let’s not pretend that I’m here every week or every month (or three) for that matter… I know consistency hasn’t been a strong point for me so I am getting better!
It feels good to be writing again, I felt stuck with what to write and post for such a long time I guess I kind of just…didn’t? So with that being said there has been a heck of a lot of life changes in the past 6 months for me. Some minor and little, others big and heartbreaking.
So, here goes…
I was actually having a really great spring and summer I went to the Wilderness Festival with my best friend which was absolutely amazing, it’s our thing to go every year now… like it’s tradition. We love it and it’s always the absolute best time ever! That was August and everything was going really great to be honest, the weather was beautiful so I was super grateful for that as you never know which way the weather can go living in the UK! So fast forward to September and I was really really looking forward to it because September meant that it was ‘selflovetember’ time which a lovely friend of mine came up with last year. It was amazing and I felt incredible and manifested so much because I was so aligned and really valued and honoured myself. September started off perfectly because I’d been blessed to go away with another bestie of mine to Devon on a press trip. It was literally heaven. The location, the house we stayed in, the company, the food, the yoga and the surfing. I got to do something I’d always wanted to do which was try out surfing… I did it and I love it and I totally stood up on the board. Woo!
On the way back home from the trip I was feeling so positive and so happy, full of energy and seriously vibing high. Me and Emma taxied back and I’m so grateful I was with her because my life literally changed and crashed down on that car journey home. My mum phoned me at 12.47pm on Tuesday 3rd September, she was crying so immediately I jumped to the conclusion that something had happened to my nan, she is 85 and hadn’t been doing too good. Then she hit me with the biggest shock of my life, she cried “Josh is dead” Josh was my step brother. I won’t detail everything that happened from this point on but as you can imagine we were all absolutely devastated, distraught and heartbroken. My brother who had been a part of my life since I was 2 months old (when he was born) was not here anymore. I can’t see him at family gatherings anymore, or out and about, have laughs, make jokes, see or talk with him again and see what his life would have been, and that hurts.
Grief is a real bitch… I know that it’s ultimately a beautiful thing that allows us to go through different stages to be able to come to terms with the loss and accept and to live in a different way but a way that works for the individual. There’s no right way to grieve but as the saying goes, it comes in waves.
As a person in touch with their spirituality I found coping and dealing with it a little easier I guess, than others around me but that doesn’t make it less painful. I think due to my beliefs I am able see it from a different perspective because I know we are all energy and energy can never be destroyed. So that means he is still here. For me anyway. I talk to him a lot, think of him a lot and miss him always.
It’s getting better and there are still times where it hits me again, another wave… Thinking is it real? Is he really not physically here anymore? The answer is yes but he is in our hearts and memories and I believe is here with us still.
September and October were blurs in all honesty, Josh’s funeral took place 1 month after he passed so it was all fresh again in October. I felt OK in myself though, strangely inspired and more determined than ever to make a difference in this world, to serve and to make my time here count. I have so much that I want to do with my life and I fully intend on doing that. I have my brother to thank for the wake up call, so thank you Josh! ❤
SO, that’s where I have been.
But I am back and more inspired and motivated than ever to make a difference. Thank you for your time reading this, so much love and positivity to you, as always.
More is on the Horizon…. Watch this space.